Security Report

The security report is in. It's been recommended that I move, but it was also recommended that the country director move and I don't think he's going to, so I should be off the hook. In the text I'm referred to as an "inmate" of my apartment. And we apparently need to "circumcise" our profile.

Hm...

Security Briefing

Another day, another security briefing.

Actually, this is the first time this has happened here in the Lahore office. Our company hired a consultant to review our security and recommend improvements, which on the whole was a good step. However, I wish I'd had a secret video recorder for the briefing, because it beat anything on TV. You kind of had to be there, but as a brief sample:

Security Consultant: "Your driver drove a bit rashly. His driving was uncertain."
Office manager: "Rashly? You mean recklessly?"
SC: "No, he was not disciplined. He was not paying attention to the other cars."
OM: "So he is reckless?"
SC: "No, he is not reckless. But his driving was a bit eratic. We got into a small accident."
OM: "But this is Lahore. This is the driving style."
SC: "I know the driving style is different here, but--"
OM: "I have driven all over the world. And the driving style here in Lahore is different. Every city has a different style of driving. The driving style is different in Dubai then it is in Lahore. The driving style in London is different that it is in Lahore. The driving style in America is different than it is in Lahore. The driving style in Islamabad is different. The driving style in Faisalbad is different than Lahore. The driving style in Karachi is different. The driving style in Mumbai is different..."

My eyes started to cross at this point. And when the meeting finished with our (Pakistani) security team leader making the statement: "But of course, on a scale of 1-10, Iraq and Afghanistan are 9s and 10s, America is an 8, and of course Pakistan is only around a 3 or 4. Pakistan is much safer than America."

I'm in good hands.

Trader Joe's

Today I thought I'd torture myself and see what Trader Joe's was selling in California. The American grocery store is something one just doesn't appreciate until it's gone (e.g. you're in Pakistan), and Trader Joe's is one of those quirky delights which brings tears to my eyes when I'm trolling around Lahore and think about it too much.

Anyway, my web search uncovered this gem -- a blog devoted just to the candy at Trader Joe's. Check it out at: http://www.typetive.com/candyblog/category/traderjoes/

I need a tissue.

This Old House

Just read in a UPI article that Pakistan is "frequently described as the most dangerous country in the world." (See: http://www.upi.com/InternationalIntelligence/view.php?StoryID=20060905-095733-6350r)

Oops. And there I was attributing the danger pay to US diplomats inflating the danger for their own selfish paycheck purposes.

In the mean time, while I was at work today in this super-hazardous place, a TV crew was filming the house I live in for a segment on up-and-coming architects (names and addresses will not be mentioned). I forgot to lock the fridge -- hope no one peeked in and noticed the bootleg wine. But kitchens are for servants, ergo not particularly attractive, so I'm guessing they won't have spent much time there.

No title (because that would require creative thought)

Some of you have been wondering whether I've dropped off the planet. I haven't -- just haven't had anything nice to say and decided to take a break from the complaining (a wallet stolen in Cairo, deteriorating security situation in Pakistan, etc.). That said, I'm breaking my silence in spite of still having nothing good to say.

The Pakistani government dropped a missile on a Balochistan warlord, and the local rabble rousers are up in arms. Add that to a narrowly avoided vote of no confidence against the prime minister, and a whiff of instability now hangs in the air. In honor of this, I just learned our office is going to have a surprise "shocking" security test at a date not to be announced. If it's a faux "kidnap the ex-pat," I'm going to be super pissed.

Unless they faux-kidnap the visiting consultant.

That could be funny.